The weather forecast was surprisingly correct again. Here goes the careless raindrops falling all over the place. The cold winter wind hitting my face as if I didn’t understand its strength. I looked up at the gray white emptiness where no answer is provided. As if I didn’t know that. December is here.
For me, this is the time I spend reflecting. A. Lot. The good days, the bad days, the odd days, and the confusing days. Somehow when time passes, as if it’s released from a magic spell, a lot of things seemed to make a lot better sense then on the day of the incident. I become more understanding and patient about the moments that seemed unforgivable at that time. Including learning how to forgive myself. Forrest Gump was absolutely right: “life is like a box of chocolate. You never know what you’ll get.”
As I start chugging along the path down to the bus stop with my big black umbrella, I suddenly realize there were still so many questions I wanted to understand. Why is there so much pain, confusion, uncertainty, and scarcity in this society? Why is there so many left hungry for food, education, justice and love? Why are we always on a journey of uncertainty? Why can’t things be simpler? Is it because it might be too mundane? Even extroverted optimistic me like to spend some moments thinking about these questions on the back of the bus. Maybe it’s because we do not spend enough time reflecting these real questions in life. Why do we always rush through life? Is someone running after us? The last time I turned back out of curiosity I didn’t see any fire breathing dragon running after me.
The Christmas music was playing. I stared outside the blurry bus window to see the scene of the city before crossing the bridge. That cheered me up a bit. That’s a reality I often forget to appreciate. That all it takes is a few minutes of wonderful music, a hug, a nod, a smile, and a word that could bring one to smile, feel hopeful, and warmth. I look inside the bus. Almost everyone is starring in their tiny screens called smartphone. When was the last time we stopped and seriously thought about what today meant to us? What the value of ‘I’ as a being mean in this society? When was the last time we stopped starring at any screen and just loafed and daydreamed? We watch war and crisis movies where we learn how every moment counts, but we are helpless in executing them the moment we leave the movie theater.
But I’m not here to complain about how smartphone has made us stupider. I’m just here to make observations, learn from them, and write about them. We should spend more time thinking about a problem than trying to immediately solve it. We need more spontaneous, courageous, and loving moments in our daily routine. Life can be simpler if you treat it that way, like deciding to let this Winter Wonderland music to affect your evening mood with good spirit. We can be more energetic if we wanted to. Not every path has to be a purposeful walk. Nor does every essay need a purposeful direction. You walk and you write because sometimes that’s what you know is right for you. Just take time to reflect later and learn from it.
The good news, and there will always be good news next to bad news, is that I still have another 24 days to do a whole bunch of reflecting, being grateful, and planning for the new year.
This is indeed the most wonderful time of the year.
Oh and as we speak, here is the end of the rain. Dear wind, I’ll accept your coldness cause it’s winter.
Copyright © 2014. Monica H. Kang, All Rights Reserved.